“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” – Eliza Tabor

Do you have any challenges in your life? Of course you do, all of us have challenges, right? Have any of these challenges turned in to disappointments? The fact is that everyone faces disappointments in life, some big, some small. Challenges and their accompanying disappointments are just a part of life. The problem is when people choose to whine and complain about their disappointments, blaming their problems on everything and everybody, instead of taking responsibility and actually taking the action necessary for dealing with their disappointments.

I think we would all agree that being Pollyannaish or acting as though nothing is wrong and everything is perfect is no way to deal with your disappointments and eventually overcome life’s challenges. Step one of overcoming any issue or challenge in your life is to acknowledge that it exists. Once you’ve acknowledged its existence, instead of whining and complaining, you then decide to learn from any mistakes you might have made and then take corrective action.

It’s that old goal setting 101 I always talk about:

1. Set a goal
2. Monitor your results (feedback)
3. Take any corrective action and go back to step 1 as necessary

Step two and three are how you deal with your disappointments. You take the feedback life gives you and then take any corrective action you need to in order to get you back on track. It’s really that simple!

Remember, challenges and disappointments are not all bad. Let me give you an example. A long time ago (and I mean a long time ago) three months before I was scheduled to take my test to become a black belt in Tang Soo Do I injured my knee in class. I actually tore the cartilage in my left knee and it began to swell up immediately. I went to the get it checked and my orthopedic surgeon confirmed that I had ripped the cartilage in half. There was no way I was going to be able to take my black belt test. To say the least, I was very disappointed.

As a result I stopped training for a short while and it wasn’t until a friend of mine, who was also at the same level in his Tang Soo Do training as me came by and encouraged me to continue did I go back to class.  I must admit it took time to get my knee back into shape after I returned and struggled at times but I did earn my black belt. Today I am a master instructor in Tang Soo do and Hapkido but if it wasn’t for my friend’s encouragement and the persistence and patience I learned as a result of that incident, I wouldn’t have ever earned my black belt, let alone my other black belt degrees.

You see, if you let them, challenges and disappointments can be used to help you build your character by helping you improve your persistence and patience. Learning to effectively deal with your disappointments in a constructive manner can make you a stronger person in the end.

Overcoming the Adversity that Comes With Disappointment

How do you deal with disappointment now? What are your coping strategies? Are they empowering or disempowering? For example, when you’re feeling down do you reach for the pint of ice cream or withdraw into a room all alone? Do you get drunk and try to forget? To you yell and scream at your friends and loved ones? This is how many people deal with their disappointments. The problem with these is they just aren’t very empowering.

The good news is that there are many strategies you can use to deal with and overcome the adversity that comes with life’s disappointment. The first step is you have to recognize that your old strategy isn’t working and then create a new, better alternative. This, by the way, is one of the basic strategies of all NLP practitioners so if you’re looking to deal with some disappointments NLP practitioners like me can teach you effective strategies to help you move you through them quickly.

Let’s take a Look at 5 strategies for effectively dealing with your disappointments and overcoming life’s challenges.

1. Acknowledge How You Feel About the Situation

Now this doesn’t mean yelling or screaming at others or blaming others for your woes. There are many ways that you can honestly express the emotions you’re feeling without blaming or lashing out at other people in your life. The first step is to express how you feel about the situation without attacking others. Remember you are upset with the situation, not the people. Be respectful of the others involved, but don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel in a non threatening manner.

Remember, your feelings are your feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Your feelings are valid and if you don’t voice your opinion then you’ll hold them in and harbor resentments that can turn into a cancer, both figuratively and literally. At the very least you’ll stress yourself out. Examine how you feel and be honest with yourself about how you really feel about the situation.

2. Give Yourself Some Perspective

Do you remember how it felt when you had a zit on your face when you were a teenager? Didn’t you feel that everyone you met was only focusing on your zit? As you grow older you find that very few, if any people notice your zits (that’s because most people rarely notice anything about anybody else). But like your teenage zit, even small disappointments can seem monumental at first. But once you’ve examined your feeling and expressed your hurt, frustration, or anger about the situation the next step is to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself, “How much of an effect is this disappointment going to have on me tomorrow, next week, or next year?” In most cases the answer is zero or very close to zero.

A good strategy to deal with your disappointments is to close your eyes and imagine yourself floating above the time line of your life. See the situation below and then allow yourself to float a little ways into the future and allow yourself to see and feel how the situation is affecting you, let’s say three weeks from now. I’d hallucinate that the situation might seem very different to you there. Taking time to reflect on the situation will not only help you calm your nerves you’ll also be much better equipped handle the disappointment and move on.

3. Believe in Yourself

Have you ever had a disappointment that made you feel like a failure, where you wonder why these things happened to you or that cause you to think you were stupid to ever get your hopes up in the first place? The truth is that everyone has felt like this at least a few times in their lives. But none of that mind chatter is the truth. When this happens remember one of the major tenants of NLP, “There is no failure, only feedback.”  Decide that you are going to learn from your mistakes and find a better way and you will!

Another thing to remember is that disappointment is not unique to you. Everyone who has ever accomplished anything has had to deal with disappointment at some time in their life. Instead of telling yourself what an idiot you are, use your powerful imagination to think about what could have been done differently and learn from the experience.

4. Always Look for a Solution or an Alterative Approach

Sometimes disappointments are a result of not being able to have your own way. Unless you are a hermit, that’s just the way life is. Life is about compromise. While you can’t have your way all the time I’d hallucinate to think that there might be an alternative approach to the situation that would be a second option that’s agreeable to each party.

One technique you can use when the situation first appears is to take a few deep breaths, relax, and look for the “silver lining.” Remember, it’s possible to find something positive in almost every situation if you really look.

5. Take Corrective Action (step three of goal setting)

Sometimes disappointment is a sign that you need to re-examine your priorities. There are so many people who are climbing the ladder of success to find that the ladder is against the wrong wall. Disappointment is often a sign that you need to make minor or major changes to your life. So be flexible in your approach and take any corrective action necessary to get yourself back on track. This might mean setting new goals. Once you do though, use your energy to focus your attention on your new goals. This will go a long ways toward help deal with your disappointments and overcome the challenges that you face.

Don’t Give Up

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

Look, everyone who has had even a small degree of success in life has faced disappointments. The difference between those who succeed is how they deal with their disappointments. These people understand that winners simply don’t quit but they rather learn from their mistakes and continue on their path toward goal achievement.

Give Yourself Pep Talks

Coaches use pep talks to motivate their teams. You can use this same simple technique when you’re feeling down to encourage yourself. Remind yourself of your greatness by telling yourself, “I can do this. I can make it. I will get through this and become a better person!” As Henry Ford so elegantly put it so many years ago, “If you think you can you can. If you think you can’t you can’t.” He is one hundred percent correct.

Decide Today That You Can!

So what are you waiting for? By simply deciding to deal with your disappointments you can effectively move on to bigger and better things. Decide today you can. Not only will you be able to move on to bigger and better things, you start living the life that you deserve to live. Decide to start  today!

Wil Dieck is the founder of Total Mind Therapy . You can sign up here to receive these positive thinking tips delivered by e-mail weekly